Frenemies

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

“Marissa’s kind of a frenemy,” Liz said. She and her mom were walking their dog around the neighborhood, talking about Liz’s day. Liz had shared with Marissa that she was worried about an upcoming test, and Marissa had made fun of her in front of their classmates.

“What do you think frenemy means?” Liz’s mom asked gently.

Later, Liz and her mom looked up the word. The dictionary said it means “one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy.”

“Is that the kind of person you should be spending time with?” Liz’s mom asked, putting an arm around Liz. “Is she really your friend?”

Liz thought for a minute. “I guess not,” she said. “I want to be friends with Marissa, but Marissa seems more interested in being popular than in genuine friendship.”

Most of us have accidentally hurt a friend’s feelings and had to apologize. But are we truly a friend if we intentionally do something we know will hurt another person? Probably not, right? If you’re wondering if someone is a frenemy, here are a few questions to ask:

1. How does she speak of others when they are not around? Does she make fun of others? Does she share someone’s private information so she can feel popular?
2. How does she handle disagreements? Does she turn them into drama by trying to get others to take her side? Does she make a big deal out of little things so others will pay attention to her?
3. Does she tell lies or stretch the truth, even about small things?

We should be friendly to everyone because Jesus tells us to be kind and generous. However, we should also be careful in choosing with whom we share our deepest emotions. God tells us to be wise about who we have as friends. If you think a person is unsafe or a “frenemy,” you can be kind to her, but still not give her access to your heart. And if you have ever acted like a frenemy yourself, today is a great day to begin acting like a true friend instead.

Things to Think About

• When have you shared your heart with someone who is more frenemy than friend? What happened?
• In what ways have you sometimes acted more like a frenemy than a friend?

DAILY ACT OF FRIENDSHIP

If you know a frenemy, be polite and kind but stop sharing your heart with her. If you’ve acted like a frenemy, write a note of apology.