Unresolved Grief

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Negative emotions can be uncomfortable. As a result, we try to avoid or lessen the impact. We might watch TV, indulge in too many alcoholic beverages, overeat, or block the emotion. We might argue with God. These types of coping skills do not help the negative emotions go away—at least not long-term.

What would it be like to turn toward the negative emotion instead? What would it be like to acknowledge that the pain is there, we don’t like it, and we don’t know what to do? Such action would require the courage to look at the emotion and recognize a loss. Maybe our losses look like this:

• Grieving the loss of relationships because our symptoms have pushed others away.
• Grieving the loss of a social life because we withdraw and stop doing the things we once looked forward to.
• Grieving the loss of our health because we can no longer do the things we used to be able to.
• Grieving the loss of control because we feel no closer to relief.

Feel the emotions. Name the loss. Jesus did. When he heard that Lazarus had died, he was moved by the tears of Mary and Martha. He knows grief. He knows sorrow. So, turn to him and cry. Go back to him again and again and lay your emotions before him. He will not turn us away. He will not dismiss our struggle. Instead he will meet us where we are and embrace us.

Embrace your grief. For there, your soul will grow.

Carl Jung

Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.

Vicki Harrison

I’d rather walk with God and not have my questions answered than not walk with God and have my questions answered.

Rick Warren

For Further Reflection

Psalm 40:1–2; Psalm 88; Hebrews 4:15–16

Today’s Prayer

Lord, I shy away from grief. I know grief is something that you experienced; therefore, you can empathize with what I feel. Help me to embrace my time of grief. Amen.