Adrift

I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws.

“WE JUST DRIFTED APART.” This is the most common excuse a person gives when she wants out of a marriage. It is the foundation for no-fault divorce and the legal term irreconcilable differences. Most differences can be reconciled, and usually it is a “both-fault” divorce. There is no drifting apart; rather, it is a series of decisions, choices, and attitudes that distance two people. Just as it is choices that made you “drift,” choices can also move your hearts back toward each other.

If you are feeling stressed in a relationship, retrace your steps, just as you would if you lost your car keys. Love, like lost keys, can be found.

Review your history: When do you last remember being happy, emotionally connected, and in love? What was going on in both of your lives then? What changed: a job? an attitude? a circumstance? a set of responsibilities? Try to specifically discern what changes occurred.

Once, Bill and I found we were growing impatient with each other. Everything we did seemed to irritate the other. Yes, we were carrying a heavy load of responsibility, but that was characteristic of our entire married life. What was different?

As I retraced my steps, I observed that we had always carried a full plate of responsibility, but we had carried much of it together. Our current ministry and work responsibilities had us functioning independently too often. So we made choices and decisions to cause change. We moved our offices next to each other, scheduled in ministry we could do together, and delegated ministry responsibilities that would keep us apart. Just as choices moved us apart, choices brought us together.