A Warm Hug

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Transparency

Sometimes people ask me, “Do you ever have a bad day?” or “Are you ever sad?” Hearing these questions, I find myself overthinking and focusing on two extremes. On the one hand, I can make transparency my goal by making it known when I had a bad day because I feel as though I have to show people that I do get sad. The problem is that in doing this, I zoom the focus in on my weaknesses and my sadness and gloom in such a way that they are made a much bigger deal than necessary. At the other extreme, I can become fearful of what others may think when they know I am going through something or feeling a certain way that doesn’t look nice, so I try to hide it.

Neither one of these extremes is what God designed. Transparency is honesty—it is neither highlighting to people that I had a bad day nor hiding emotions that aren’t pretty. Transparency is not letting my struggles be all I talk about because I want to make sure that I can “relate” to people. When I do that, I’m not being transparent—I’m worrying about other people’s opinions.

To be transparent is to let go of dwelling on what others think or how they may see you and to simply be honest—honest with God, honest with yourself, and honest with others. There’s no sugarcoating necessary. The Message puts it this way: “An honest answer is like a warm hug” (Proverbs 24:26). Some who receive your honesty will love it and others will despise it, but whether they realize it or not, you are giving them a warm hug by simply being honest with them.

The Gift of Emotions

Jesus walked in transparency beautifully, and anytime I am looking for how to do something, I always look to see how Jesus did it. Jesus walked into the temple to see people buying and selling and disregarding the holiness of the house of His Father, and He began to rebuke them and flip tables (Matthew 21:12-13). When Jesus saw that His best friend, Lazarus, died, He wept (John 11:35). When Jesus went to meet the woman at the well in Samaria, John 4 says that He got there and was tired, so He had to sit down. He was compassionate toward people (Matthew 9:36). He was playful and kind as He said, “Let the little children come to me” (Matthew 19:14).

Solomon said it this way: there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). To have emotion is a gift. God gave us the gift of feelings and emotions. To hide them would be to hide a gift because we are each uniquely made in God’s image, and therefore we each share our emotions in a unique way that reflects the heart of God. This does not mean that we need to make our decisions based on our emotions, but it does reveal that there is beauty and freedom about being honest with them. To speak the truth in love will bring people eternal joy if they are willing to receive it. To speak what everyone wants to hear will bring people temporary happiness that will only last a little while.

Permission to Be Honest

The enemy may feed you the lie that other people will not see you the same once you are honest with them or that your relationship with them will take a negative turn. Take a step back and see this statement through the lens of God’s goodness: this statement is actually true when seen through the correct lens. People will not see you the same when you begin to be honest with them. They will view you with a deeper respect, and a door of influence will be opened like you could never have imagined. Your relationship with them will in fact look different because it will be deeper and sweeter, and people will begin to come to you knowing that they, too, can be real as they see you be real. People do not need your permission to be honest in who they are, but your being willing to step out of pride and fear in order to be transparent will help others feel as though they have permission to do so as well.

Let us be honest with one another—it is the same as giving a warm hug. Sometimes it will feel like others give us the cold shoulder in response, and sometimes we will be placed in a very awkward moment because of how we choose to be transparent. But let us joyfully step into those moments because not only does God want to show us freedom, but He also wants to use us to lead others to freedom. We are called to give warm hugs, and we do this by being transparent.