Isolation: Stuck On A Blank Page

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

Psalm 42:2

It was a frigid morning. My breath fogged the inside window of the cab as I peered out at the tall buildings soaring above the crowded, bustling streets of New York City. I hadn’t slept very well. The reflection of my face in the window stared back, and I thought how fatigued I must look.

In less than ten minutes, I would walk into a meeting upon which my entire financial fate hinged. Months and months of negotiations had boiled down to two or three remaining issues. Those settled, we had a deal. Left unsettled, disaster and certain ruin held the mortgage on my future. And it looked pretty unsettled at the moment. Why me? I wondered.

For months-on-end my life had become a robotic exercise of getting up, ritualistically going through the motions of the day, and then collapsing in mental and emotional exhaustion. I was stuck on a blank page between the chapters of my life.

When is the last time you were stuck on a blank page? Why does God so often leave us there? We shrivel up, feeling isolated from Him, not sensing His presence, immobilized by our circumstances. Where is He when we need Him?

God is always there when we need Him. The problem, of course, is that we are not always there when we need Him. When we are deep in the middle of a pot-boiling chapter of our life, we are too busy for Him.

Be sure of this: Whenever a chapter of your life drives you to distraction from your personal relationship with Christ, a blank page is just ahead. He stops us cold. He abruptly places an obstacle in our path. He throws our private life into disarray.

God makes us thirst for Him. He sends you to the thirsty desert of a blank page. His highest desire is that we would long for a personal relationship with Him, as a perishing prospector pines for a drink of water. “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God” (Psalm 42:1).

He will never let you go, even if it means you stay stuck on the blank page. Picture a rebellious child trying to run away from home. The father restrains, disciplines, chastens, and restricts. What father would give up on his son? Nor will God give up on you. Love, not hatred, leads to the blank page.

When it seems as though He has forgotten you, that you will be stuck forever on that page, in the end you look for Him. You ask, “When can I go and meet with God?” That is the purpose of the blank page.

Have you been so busy with your life that He has brought you to a screeching halt? Have His waves and breakers swept over you? Is the pressure building? The unsurrendered life is the precursor of a blank page.

Thirst for God, and you will be filled. When your problems exceed your ingenuity, God is reestablishing the personal relationship. He knows a blank page will bring you back to surrender. “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all” (Psalm 34:17-19).

As I walked into the ornate board room, eyes darted knowingly among the assembled parties. After a while, it became apparent they thought their best interests would be served by making the deal work. So it worked. I was grateful.

On the cab ride back to the airport, I noticed the sun shined brightly through the clear, bracing air of a crisp winter afternoon. I hadn’t noticed earlier. I even heard some birds chirping as we crossed Park Avenue. I did not feel thirsty anymore. “God, how I love having a personal relationship with you.”

I SURRENDER

Dear God, I am embroiled in this chapter of my life. I confess it has become a real pot-boiler. Things are coming apart. I have not been thinking much about my personal relationship with You. I have been rebellious, and You have put me on a blank page. Let my soul thirst for You, the living God. I surrender these next weeks and months (or however long it takes) to reestablish our personal relationship. Amen.