Slander: When Your Friend Talks Behind Your Back

Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant [friend] cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

A friend sought counsel about how to respond to a savage, slanderous statement about him. The accusation was far from the truth; he was rightly distressed and wanted to know how to respond.

Don’t respond. It is either true, or it is not. If it is true, you may find it hard to cope with your newfound flaw. So forget about it. If the Lord wants you to deal with it, He will convict your heart of sin. Otherwise, you are only churning the waters near your sinful nature.

Here’s the point: If we knew everything our friends said about us when we were not around, we would find it more than we could bear. All our hope in humanity would be dashed on the rocks of human harshness.

But it’s true. We do slander and curse each other behind one another’s backs. In every human breast lurks the capacity to alternate from cordial compliment and blood-curdling curse. It’s in each of us. “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20).

When you are slandered and cursed, refuse to respond because “you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.” The careless slander and reviling remarks which have passed over our lips would drive our closest cohorts to despair, if they had heard it. If your spouse overheard you speaking of her/him to your friends, would they glow or glower; would their spirits soar or sink?

Responding Biblically

So ignore each other’s cursing. Don’t respond. Bless when you are cursed, endure when you are persecuted, answer kindly when you are slandered (see I Corinthians 4:12-13). Consider it joy when you suffer for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Someday our friends will curse us no more, and we will no longer curse them. We will be together in glory. In the meantime, when behind the silent walls of your private quarters, put off the impulse to curse your friend by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I SURRENDER

God, I confess my heart is sinful. I have sinned against all of my loved ones. My tongue is too loose. Forgive me for my slander and my cursing, O Lord. I forgive those who have slandered and cursed against me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as I surrender this area of my life to Your Lordship. Make me a better friend, and help me to not make or respond to slanderous statements. Amen.