Did I Really Say That?

Did I Really Say That?

Wendy Blight

I had just cleaned my kitchen—counters shining, stovetop sparkling, floors spotless. Within moments of completing this labor of love, my husband walked through the door. I should have been happy to see him, but I wasn’t. He was going to create one of the gourmet sandwiches he loves. All I could think about was the mess he’d make, so I launched into a series of instructions:

“Please put your dishes in the dishwasher.”

“Please wipe your crumbs off the counter.”

“Please clean the stove I scrubbed.”

I was polite. Did you count my “pleases”? I just have a way I like things to be done in my kitchen—my way.

The look on his face said what he was thinking: You’ve got to be kidding! Why did I come home for lunch?

I realized I was being nagging and controlling. This wasn’t the first time.

Often after I speak such words, I find myself thinking, Did I really just say that?

When I make big deals out of minor things, resentment and discord inevitably follow. I recognize how damaging it can be, but sometimes it feels like I just can’t help myself.

When I immerse myself in God’s Word, I’m inspired to change. I promise myself that, no matter what—dishes in the sink, crumbs on the counter, grease on the stove—I won’t say anything. But when the situation presents itself again, I blow it once more. Within minutes, the words start spewing.

I know I have a choice—I don’t have to be this way. But then I hear that voice of justification: It’s just who I am. But the truth is, it is not who I am. It is who I’m used to being. It’s not who God wants me to be. In fact, His Word tells me how my words should be:

Self-controlled: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11 NIV 1984).

Edifying: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Gentle: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Compassionate: “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32 NLT).

This is hard! Yet I believe God gives me strength through the power of His Holy Spirit. On days when I feel there’s no way I can speak kindly, I try to remember I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).

When we quiet our hearts, when we open His Word instead of our mouths, when we submit to His ways … that’s when God does His work and helps us tame the tongue. And the next time we find ourselves thinking, “Did I really just say that?” let it be because we responded with patience, kindness, and gentleness.

Dear Lord, help me tame my tongue. Enable me through the power of Your Holy Spirit to speak gentle, edifying, self-controlled, compassionate words. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

REMEMBER

You can choose the words you speak, and with Christ’s help, you can speak gentle, edifying, self-controlled, compassionate words.

REFLECT

Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. At the top of the left column, write “Life-Giving Words”; at the top of the right column, write “Life-Taking Words.” Think back over the last twenty-four hours and write down three or four things you said that were life-giving; for example: expressing love, withholding an unnecessary comment, praising good work or behavior. Then write down three or four things you said that were life-taking; for example: lying, complaining, and criticizing. What do your two lists reveal about how you use words?

RESPOND

Identify one relationship in which you can invest life-giving words today. Write down two or three things you could say to bring life to this person with your words.

POWER VERSES

Proverbs 12:18; Ephesians 4:32