When Grief Crashes The Celebration

“Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with you counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.” (Psalm 73:23-24, NIV)

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, ESV)

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:2-3, NLT)

I’ll never forget reading it in a grief book: “Most families just want to get through the holiday season and can’t wait for January 2 to arrive.” The author had written words meant to comfort, acknowledging how hard holidays can be after loss. Instead, for me, they cut like a knife. My daughter, Taylor, had passed away on January 2, 2019. While others couldn’t wait for the holidays to end, I dreaded what January 2 would always mean for our family.

Grief doesn’t take a holiday break. In fact, it often intensifies when everyone else seems to be celebrating. The empty chair at the table screams louder than the Christmas carols. The traditions you once shared feel hollow. The pressure to be joyful when your heart is shattered becomes unbearable.

In Psalm 73:23-24, God makes a promise that has carried me through every January 2: “Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.” God promises He is near our right hand. He is not distant, not distracted by others’ celebrations, but with us, holding us up when grief threatens to pull us under.

That first Christmas after Taylor’s death, I discovered that God doesn’t expect us to pretend the holidays are happy when they’re not. He doesn’t shame us for our tears among the twinkling lights. Instead, Psalm 34:1 promises, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

I learned to create new rhythms that honor both our grief and hope. I usually light a candle for Taylor at Christmas dinner that recognizes her absence while celebrating her presence with Jesus. Our family often shares funny stories about her, letting laughter and tears mingle naturally. We don’t pretend everything is fine, but we also don’t let grief steal every moment of joy.

Some years, I’ve given myself permission to skip certain events that felt too hard. Other years, I’ve pushed through, surprised to find moments of unexpected peace. There’s no right way to grieve through the holidays, but there is a right place to anchor our hearts. I’ve found that there’s no better place to trust than in the God who promises to be near.

Isaiah 43:2-3 had always been a lifeline for me. “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown… For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior” (NLT). The holidays can feel like drowning in a river of memories and expectations, but God promises we won’t be swept away. He’s in the water with us.

If you’re grieving this holiday season, whether it’s your first without them or your fifteenth, know this: God sees every forced smile and every private tear. He also sees the moment you choose to get up and try again. He’s simply promising to be near your right hand, holding you steady when the waves of grief crash over the celebration.

Friend, grief and gratitude can coexist at the holiday table. I’ve experienced this. You can miss your loved one and still find moments of joy. You can cry and still worship. God is near your right hand, and He won’t let go. I pray that encouraged your heart this holiday season.