Picture Perfect

By one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:14, NIV

IT WAS A COOL autumn morning and my son tripped over his untied shoelaces twice on the walk down to the bus stop. But I bit my tongue. Before we left the house, I asked him to tie his shoes, but he didn’t. He said they were fine. My mom always taught me to pick my battles, and this wasn’t going to be one of them. He was choosing to be in control right now, so I was letting natural consequences play out. He might need to feel some pain to make a change.

But then as several other moms told my son that his shoes were untied, I couldn’t help but take that as a reflection of my apparent lack of good parenting. Somehow his untied shoelaces soon became about me. He was just fine tripping over himself this October morning. But me? I was sweating the judgment and shame that others may have been thinking. I was spiraling downward into a perfectionist trap, and his shoelaces were just the beginning. My mind jumped to homework battles and mounds of unfolded laundry and the fight we had at dinner the night before. We were both a mess this morning, and I thought what I needed was to tidy everything up and work toward perfection. But what I actually needed was to give up and find grace.

What is it about needing to be perfect? Why do I insist on presenting my most polished self at all times and place this expectation on my children as well? Why do I think this exhausting posture extends life in any possible way?

Because it doesn’t. Perfectionism kills. It tears apart freedom and creativity and character and beauty and carefree hearts. It breeds fears of inadequacy, fears of being found out, fears of being seen as the mom at the bus stop who can’t keep her child’s shoes tied or coat on. It tells me lies that I am not enough and robs me from seeing the One who is.

More often than not, my life can feel like a tapestry woven tightly with perfectionism, and there’s no space for grace. So through prayer and time in God's Word, I am working toward taking out these old threads and unraveling them. And in their place, I’m weaving in new threads of grace.

I am weaving in God’s grace, which tells me all of Christ’s accomplishments are now mine too. I am replacing the need to look perfect with threads of knowing I am enough by His grace, and His grace alone. I am pulling out threads of image-control and weaving in joy that comes from the freedom to be a messy, broken human saved by a perfect, loving God. I am sewing in grace in as many ways as possible, including when it comes to shoelaces.

So if you find my children running around the neighborhood shoeless in the cold, laughing and playing, don’t worry. That’s just me, unraveling perfectionism around here.

If you see me playing kickball with several children under ten instead of cleaning and reorganizing and perfecting my kitchen cabinets, that’s just another thread of grace.

If you no longer hear me commenting on appearances, then know I am practicing and choosing to let go of what others may or may not think of me. Unraveling perfectionism is God’s grace working in our hearts. He’s refining us day by day, allowing us to find perfection in Him alone.

GRACE REFLECTION: Pray with me, “God, help me to see that I don’t need to be perfect. I need Your grace. Reveal to me threads of trying to look the part, and help me to weave in Your joy, lightheartedness, and grace instead.”