Unfair Grace

He answered his father, “Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!” Luke 15:29-30, NIV

“WHAT ABOUT ME? Aren’t you proud of me? You never say you’re proud of me!” My daughter yelled, her face in the pillow. She was seven, and the drama and emotions were spilling out all over her bed.

She had heard me praise her younger brother because he had turned a poor choice into a good one. I had made a big show of how proud I was of him for doing so. She immediately said that she always makes that particular good choice, and then questioned my pride and love for her.

I am always telling my children how proud I am of them. To the point where it feels obnoxious. But I am proud of them, and I want them to hear it. So her questions and anger seemed inflated, like lies from the dark pit. But I got down on her level and assured her how proud I was of her, too. I told her my love is not based on what she does or does not do; I am simply proud to be her mom and proud of who she is. I told her we celebrate when her brother turns his poor choice around and does the right thing, and we celebrate when she does as well. We celebrate turning our attitudes and hearts toward what’s good.

Jesus speaks to this in the story of the Prodigal Son, who demands his inheritance from his father, runs away with it, squanders it, realizes his wrongdoing, and eventually comes back home. The son’s father extends amazing grace to him upon his return. They party, they celebrate, they kill the fattened calf. But the older brother, who has always obeyed and served his father his whole life, feels dejected and unrecognized. He feels that his father’s grace toward his brother is unfair.

Unfair grace. Have you ever felt that? That sometimes God’s grace extended to others is not just? That they don’t deserve it? They have blown their riches and shouldn’t be allowed another chance?

I’ve been there. Author James Bryan Smith points out in his book The Good and Beautiful God, “There is only one thing that separates us from God, and it is not our sin. It is our self-righteousness. Our self-righteousness does not turn God from us, but us from God. It is not my sin that moves me away from God, it is my refusal of grace, both for myself and for others.”^a

Whew. Our own self-righteousness is what makes us bury our faces in a pillow, as my daughter did.

Our own self-righteousness keeps us from going to God and prevents us from celebrating God’s grace for others.

Sister, the very nature of grace is amazingly unfair. We are all undeserving. We are all unworthy. But grace flips the script and calls the impoverished, wealthy. Calls the weak, strong. Calls the messy, clean. Calls the lost home.

Let’s be women who recognize the narrative Jesus gives us in the older brother. God’s grace is here for the taking, all the time. And my list of achievements and yours cannot add up to merit grace. Grace is just that: unmerited favor. Thank God.

GRACE REFLECTION: Think of a time when you have been mad at God’s unfair grace or have relied on yourself to feel worthy to God. How does the story of the Prodigal Son change your perception?