Asking For And Giving Help

Another question people ask all the time is how Colton’s experience has changed us. The first thing Sonja will tell you is that it absolutely broke us. See, pastors and their families are usually most comfortable in the role of “helper,” not “helpee.” Sonja and I had always been the ones who visited the sick, brought the meals, cared for others’ kids, in times of need. We were adamantly self-reliant—maybe, in retrospect, to the point of being prideful. But that grueling stint in the hospital snapped our pride like a dry twig and taught us how to be humble enough to accept help from other people, physically, emotionally, and financially.

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, 153

Sonja

Todd and I are both firstborn, strong-willed, independent-minded, we-can-do-it-ourselves kind of people. We had lived in Imperial five years when Colton got sick, and during that time we had worked hard to serve the families in our church and to be good neighbors to those in need in our community.

It feels good to help someone in need. We all like to be the white knights in shining armor, showing up to rescue someone who needs a hot meal or a bag of groceries, a shoulder to cry on or a little relief from caring for kids or ailing family members. We don’t like seeing people we know endure difficult situations, but we do like knowing that they know we’re there for them when they need us.

It’s easy to start feeling a little prideful when you’re always the rescuer and never the rescued. I admit, there was some of that in Todd and me: the caring pastor and his caring wife showing up to save the day time and time again.

Then Todd broke his leg and couldn’t work at the garage-door business we owned. Before he’d recovered from that crisis, he was laid up with kidney stones, followed by a cancer scare requiring a biopsy. Less than three months later, Colton’s ordeal began, and by the time it was over, our bank account was drained and so were we. As the three-week-long nightmare unfolded, we hit bottom.

God broke our spiritual pride and our independence. He broke us mentally, spiritually, and financially. He broke us to the core. And in that humble, broken state, the helpers had to ask for help.

It came in the form of friends and compassionate strangers who surrounded us with love and care. Throughout our ordeal, including while we were with Colton in the hospital in North Platte, a ninety-minute drive away, friends in Imperial and North Platte cared for Cassie and got her to and from school and also drove her to North Platte to be with us in the hospital. They brought food, cleaned our house, did our laundry, and came to visit us in the hospital. Our family members spent their vacation to help us. Friends and family supported us with their prayers and helped us pay our bills. I can’t imagine how we could have survived without these people who put aside their own schedules and needs to help us with ours.

Todd and I both had jobs back in Imperial, so we took turns staying with Colton in the hospital in North Platte, rushing back home to be with Cassie, and trying to keep up with our work back there. During that time there was never a day when we didn’t have a hospital visitor. And let me tell you, we appreciated every one of them. They were people who understood that visiting the sick can be a greater gift to the sick person’s family than to the one who is ill. To us, those kind friends were what I call “Jesus with skin on.”

When it was my turn to stay with Colton, I was on round-the-clock “puke patrol,” never leaving him alone for a second unless someone else was there. So I was especially grateful for those friends who came to visit. Sometimes I would ask the visitor to sit with Colton a few minutes just so I could use the bathroom!

One friend insisted I take a break and go downstairs to the hospital lobby. “I have your cell phone number. I’ll call you if anything happens,” she said.

I was amazed at the difference in my attitude and energy level after just a few minutes with a change of scenery.

We learned so much as we struggled through that nightmare, but one of the most important was that there is blessedness in brokenness. God uses broken people.

So many of those who helped us had been through difficult challenges themselves. When they shared their experience with us and told us we would get through our ordeal, their encouragement carried extra weight that gave us confidence.

We learned that sometimes what’s needed most is simply for a friend to show up. You don’t have to have profound words of comfort, quote Scripture or explain your theory on why God let the hard thing happen. Just be there. Go. If all you can do is cry with that friend, that’s okay. Trust God to guide you in knowing what to do or say.

We know Satan uses people to hurt us, tear us down, but God uses people to build us up, to come alongside us and comfort us when we need it. Make it your goal to be those people he uses!

Now Todd and I are the broken people encouraging others, the ones who offer encouragement rooted in experience rather than platitudes. Now the help we give is based in humility rather than prideful independence.

The next time someone offers to help you or give you a gift, have the grace to receive their gift with a grateful heart. No excuses, no explanations, no, “Oh, no thanks. I’m fine. I don’t need that.” No, “I’ll pay you back.” Just say thank you. Let God use that person. Then let God use you. Be the answer to someone else’s prayer. Start praying today about who you can give a gift to.

Do not grow weary in doing good.

—2 Thessalonians 3:13