Which Way You Gonna Run?

During the quiet moments before sleep, a flood of images tumbled through my mind—especially those horrible moments I’d spent in that tiny room at the hospital, raging against God. I thought I had been alone . . .

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, 61

Todd

Yes, Colton had a glorious experience with God in heaven. But while Colton was in heaven, where was his pastor-daddy? Closed off in an empty hospital room, railing against that very same God who was, at that very moment, surrounding the pastor’s son with so much love the little guy didn’t want to come back to his earthly family.

A little boy not wanting to go back to his family. Can you imagine?

Colton’s close encounter with death was the worst thing we’d ever been through. No matter what else happened during that time, we won’t ever forget that nightmare. We’re also aware that other people are living that same nightmare right now. And maybe their outcome won’t be the same as ours was.

Those parents may be thinking, Yeah, God may have saved your child, but he didn’t save mine. Besides, you’re a preacher, so I’m sure you’ve got some kind of special connection. That must be it, because God’s not doing much, from my perspective.

If you’re in some closed-off place right now, railing against God, I want you to know something I learned firsthand: he’s in there with you. Right there in that place, taking those verbal punches you’re throwing at him. And here’s something else I want you to know: he’s not leaving.

When we’re mad at God, that’s the very time we need to be near him.

So when I went into that closed-off hospital room, furious at God because of what was happening to Colton, I had to make a decision. (We pastors get stuck in that same position you may get stuck in sometimes too. We question God.) I wanted to run, but which way was I gonna go: away from God or toward him? All I could think to do was run toward him and yell at him with everything in me, “I need you now.”

God’s ways aren’t our ways. His plan isn’t always plain to us. But he promises to be with us wherever we are, even in a closed-off place filled with our rage at him. He doesn’t promise to take away the hard times, but if we believe in him and in his Son, and we confess our wrongdoing and accept his magnificent grace, he promises to stay with us and get us through the hard times.

Instead of saying, “God, take away the hard times,” how about saying with the psalmist, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me”?

If God doesn’t seem to be with you in your hard time, ask yourself this question: Who moved?

Many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

—John 6:66–68 NIV