Heavenly Scales - Hope in Miscarriage

“Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 (CSB)

Losing six babies in miscarriage is a tragically effective way of learning how little control I have of my body. Every loss that my body has endured was completely different, but each one was gut-wrenchingly messy. I have spent a whole summer waiting to miscarry twins naturally, a walking tomb for my babies, only to require much medical intervention. I have miscarried in a nail salon bathroom. I have felt absolutely betrayed by my body. It didn’t matter what supplement I tried or test result I received; I could not ensure a healthy pregnancy. My womb has held more death than life.

The helplessness of losing a child in miscarriage can tempt us to walk away from our faith. We eagerly wake up and read our Bibles, go to church every week, serve in the nursery, tithe our money – but when this kind of suffering hits we realize that God didn’t uphold his end of the bargain.

Suffering shows us what we’ve been placing our faith in.

I had to confront in myself that I was placing more of my faith in what I was doing for God rather than God Himself. I had put more emphasis on the role that I thought I was playing in my walk with Jesus. There is a key phrase in today’s passage that I pray encourages you: “being renewed.” In original Greek this word is a present passive verb, implying that our inner person is receiving the benefit of the verb. Let me put it another way; we have much less to do with the renewal of our soul than we think we do. And when you are lying in bed wishing you were scheduling a baby shower instead of a follow-up bloodwork appointment with the hospital – this is such a relief.

We can be encouraged not to give up because the renewing of our souls is something we receive from God, not something we achieve for God. He pours out new mercies every day into our cracked and fragile vessels. We participate in God’s renewal of our souls by simply lifting our eyes. Some of my most powerful prayers have been “Lord help me” whispered through tears on my way to the doctor again. Remember, it only takes a little faith to move mountains of doubt.

Earthly suffering will not last. But just because it is temporal does not mean we ignore it, suppress it or slap a Christian platitude on it. Through the work of God in us, we can learn how to weigh our sufferings on heavenly scales. The link from our earthly pain to eternal glory suggests that we will enjoy heaven greater for our earthly sufferings. Not a drop of our pain is wasted.

Walking with God in miscarriage has helped me to see that “not giving up” looks a lot more like holding onto Jesus than chasing Him. I can rest in knowing that I am holding the One who held me first.

Reflection:

How can you make space to receive the renewing mercy of God today?

Prayer:

Lord, I know that you have seen every physical trauma that my body has had to endure in my miscarriage(s). You have been with me in the waiting rooms, the bathrooms, and the recovery rooms. I am tired and my body is worn out. Some days it’s all I can do to whisper a prayer. I praise you that you are working in my heart even now. I receive your renewed strength in my soul to keep doing the next thing and to remember that grieving my child with you helps me walk in heavenly perspective.