Cultivate Forgiveness - No More Perfect Marriages

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV)

It was a Thursday afternoon and Mark had just returned from doing the grocery shopping for the marriage intensive we were hosting that weekend. Two to three weekends a month, Mark and I host a Marriage 2.0 Intensive in our home, helping one couple at a time sort through their marriage struggles and create a new 2.0 relationship to move forward.

The couple we were hosting had a lot of food sensitivities, so I had changed our menu for the weekend quite a bit. When Mark got home with the groceries, he told me how he’d run into his friend Bob and they had visited at the grocery store. As we put the groceries away, it was evident there were several things that had been on the list that he had missed.

“Mark, where are the canned green beans I had on the list?” He dug around in the bags and said, “I had them in my hands! Then I ran into Bob and I must have absentmindedly put them back on the shelf instead of my cart!” He had no idea how he had missed the other things that weren’t in the bags.

In our early years, a moment like that would have really made me angry and I would have lectured Mark on paying attention to detail. Then he would have gotten angry right back and told me if I was so perfect, I could do the job myself.

On this Thursday afternoon, however, I chose to forgive. Inside my heart, talking quietly to the Lord, I simply prayed, “Lord, I forgive Mark for forgetting.”

Most of us think about forgiving when big things happen like broken trust. However, forgiveness needs to be used on a daily basis, too, when we bump into our spouse’s imperfections.

Forgiveness unclutters our heart and keeps it from growing bitter and resentful. When we hand the hurt to Jesus, it gives us something to do with offense. It allows us to respond rather than react.

“I’m so sorry that I forgot those things, Jill. Will you please forgive me?” Mark said, unaware of what was going on inside of me already. “Of course, honey,” I responded. “Would you like me to run back up to the store and pick them up?” he asked. “That would be great,” I answered.

When forgiveness is present, it makes imperfect moments in life a bump in the road rather than an explosion that has to be cleaned up.

You’ll probably find that you need to forgive a half dozen or more times a day because you live with an imperfect person. And your spouse will have to do the same, because you’re imperfect too!

Forgiveness is not a one-time event but rather an ongoing choice. Whether the hurt is large or small, we can forgive because God forgave us first. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. As you go about your day today, forgive freely so your heart stays clean, uncluttered, and available to God.

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for the forgiveness You’ve given me. Help me to offer that same forgiveness to my spouse. Heal any wounds from the past and give me the strength to move forward in love and grace. Amen.