Perfected, Not Perfect - No More Perfect Marriages

“But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8, ESV)

We had our first argument on our honeymoon. We were camping in the Rocky Mountains and it was raining. I don’t remember what we argued about, but I do remember heading up the mountain stomping away from the campsite and leaving Mark to set it up by himself.

I kept looking back to see if my husband was coming after me. He never did.

I eventually turned around and made my way back to the campsite where I said through tears, “You didn’t come after me. In the movies the man comes after the woman, but you didn’t come after me.” To which Mark replied, “No, I didn’t. This isn’t the movies, and it was much easier to set up the tent without you.”

Welcome to marriage. The good and the hard.

A real marriage isn’t perfect. A real marriage is two people being perfected.

On that day in June 1983, God was using marriage to perfect us. I had to come face to face with my unrealistic expectations and control. Mark had a peek at his stubbornness and selfishness.

In our book No More Perfect Marriages, Mark and I explore the real stuff of marriage. In our world of carefully curated images and “perfect” marriages presented online, it’s easy to believe that we should always have it all together. In fact, our tendency is to compare the insides of our marriage to the outsides of other people’s marriages.

We see people at church and assume they don’t have the problems we have. We compare our real spouse to the one we see on television or in the movies and come away disappointed.

We’re infected with the “Perfection Infection,” which causes us to compare and come up with wrong conclusions.

That’s why Mark and I share our lives openly. If people are going to naturally compare, let’s compare insides to insides. When we do that, we find out we’re not so different after all.

Marriage is a rollercoaster for all of us, whether people admit it or not. There are moments when it feels like we “fall out of love.” There are conflicts not handled well. Bad habits that are repeated over and over. Broken trust that keeps us afraid of risking once again. There’s junk in the trunk from our childhood that many of us aren’t even aware we’re carrying inside of us.

Marriage is a refining relationship, if we’ll let God use it that way in our lives.

When we let marriage be a refiner in our life, that’s when we become soft, moldable clay in God’s hands. That’s when we move from trying to find “perfect” and embrace “being perfected” instead.

Let’s go on a journey together to kick the Perfection Infection out of our lives and learn to live with contentment, freedom, and hope.

Take a moment today to acknowledge areas in your marriage where you’ve been striving for perfection. What would it look like to release those expectations and embrace your spouse as they are? Consider how you can create space for growth rather than perfection.

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage. Help me to let go of the pressure for perfection and embrace the realness of my relationship. Teach me to love my spouse in their imperfection, just as You love me in mine. In Jesus’ name. Amen.