Trusting God With Differences In Your Faith - Pray for the Marriage You Want

We have three daughters, and whenever it looked like a suitor was approaching “legitimate” status (as in someone who looked like he might be around for a while), my husband invited them to have what came to be known as “The Talk.” The conversations varied a bit, depending on each young man and his background or interests, but they all had one central theme. Robbie wanted to know where the fellow was spiritually and how he envisioned the relationship affecting our daughter. He knew that if one of our girls married someone who did not share her faith, either she would wind up hiding her passion for Christ (so as not to annoy or offend her beloved) or she would drift.

“Your relationship will either draw my daughter closer to Jesus or farther away,” Robbie would tell the young man. “And if I feel like it is doing the latter, I will end it.” (Robbie was always friendly and kind, but the fellow got the point.)

Over the years, I’ve met countless women who tell me they wish their father had been as frank with their suitors, or that they themselves had viewed dating through a similar lens. Instead, many of these gals (and more than a handful of guys) find themselves grappling with disappointment, spiritual loneliness, and unmet expectations. “I thought that if my husband loved me,” one woman confided, “he’d want what I had. I thought he’d come around.”

Navigating faith differences is one of the most challenging hurdles a couple can face; how do we know if our approach is the right one?

Our friend Esther recalled how she kept score of the progress she and her husband each made in their faith—and how, in her eyes, he always fell short. “I did everything I could think of to spark his interest in God,” she said. “I gave him a Bible with his name engraved on the cover, hoping he’d read it. I bought devotional books—one with a golfer on the front—hoping he’d pray. I gave him email contacts for Christian men we knew, wanting him to make them his friends.”

Looking back, Esther realized how silly all of this sounds, but it wasn’t until her husband asked her a faith question that she came face-to-face with her own shortcomings. “Why do you think your relationship with God is better than mine?” he asked.

The Bible warns against allowing sin—including pride—to harden our hearts and deceive us (Obadiah 3). It can be easy, especially for women, to fault our spouses when their spiritual lives don’t look like ours. Trust me, I get it. I’ve never purchased a golf-themed devotional, but now that I know they are out there, all of the guys in our family might get one in their Christmas stocking.

And there’s certainly nothing wrong with resources like that. But if we really want to change the climate in our relationship, maybe comparing spiritual maturity levels or devotional habits isn’t the answer. Maybe God wants us to go a bit deeper. Maybe the better course is to love our spouse the way God loves us, with an Ephesians 4:2 approach: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

As we pray for our spouse, then, let’s also ask God to work on our hearts, making us humble and kind. No disrespect to the makers—or readers—of engraved Bibles, but given the choice between that and a spouse who is humble and patient, I’d have to go with the latter if I’m trying to tap into life-shaping power.

And let’s love one another not just for who we are now but for the people who, in God’s tender hands and with his infinite mercy, we are becoming.

Reflect:

When God tells us how to treat each other in marriage, no mention is made of spiritual “worthiness” as a condition for showing love and respect. Where might you need to confess things like spiritual impatience and pride? What can you do to show greater honor to your spouse as you trust God to make each of you more humble and kind?

Pray:

Heavenly Father, keep us from turning away from you. Show me how to encourage my spouse daily so that our hearts will not be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. (Hebrews 3:12-13)