Expert Forgivers

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

—Matthew 18:21–22

If you want to be a part of a durable, beautiful, long marriage, you have to be an expert forgiver. You will get hurt in your marriage, in big ways and small ways, and if you hold tightly to a record of wrongs, your marriage will choke. It will die. Resentment and unwillingness to forgive will force you to live in your past—back in the mistakes, in the betrayals, in the mess.

One of my closest friends was betrayed by her husband, in small ways, and then in a big way. She had every right to walk. But she decided that she’s the kind of person who forgives, and that what they’d built over the years was worth another chance. She became an expert forgiver. They have a new baby now. More than that, they have a new life together. You can see it on their faces, a depth of understanding, a sober-minded commitment to try again.

It’s not always possible. But it’s possible more than we tend to believe.

God wants to make all things new. God can make your marriage new if you let him, if you lay down the resentments and learn to be an expert forgiver.