On Comparing

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

—Ephesians 4:29

One of the most important things I’ve learned about mothering was from my friend Nancy. She told me that when you compare yourself to another person, you always lose, and at the same time the other person always loses, too. Each of us has been created by the hands of a holy God, and our stories and the twists and turns of our lives, the things that are hard for us, and the things that come naturally, are as unique to us as our own fingerprints. She told me that one way to ensure a miserable life is to constantly measure your own life by the lives of the people around you.

We even do this with pregnancy sometimes. Everyone wants to talk about how much weight you gained, in comparison to how much weight they gained. In what other possible scenario is this an appropriate topic of conversation? I think that the people who ask are really just looking for an opportunity to brag about how little weight they gained. You just tell every pregnant woman you see that she’s glowing, even if she’s the size of a Volkswagen, and leave it at that. Especially in a season so precious and hormone-crazed, let’s encourage one another toward grace and compassion.