On Gossip

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

—James 3:9–10

The goal is that our closest relationships are marked by equal parts heat and force so that God can use trust and truth to shape us. Most of us tend toward one side or the other—more heat, or more force. More trust or more truth. But there’s another category: those who have all the heat in the world to your face, and all the force in the world behind your back. Gossip is so dangerous, because it makes you feel like you told the truth. And you did. Just not to the person involved. It scratches that itch, that impulse to tell the truth, but it has no power to transform, and it destroys trust.

When you speak negatively about someone, you begin to think more negatively about that person, and so does the person you were talking to. Gossip infects everyone involved—it creates false little alliances, false trust: you and I get it, he doesn’t. We’re on the inside, giggling just a little about that guy over there. Words are power. You can use them to sharpen, to inspire, to call to Christlikeness, or you can use them to make yourself feel safe and included.