Our Best Selves

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

—Proverbs 14:1

Aaron and I are working hard to be healthy individuals—spiritually, emotionally, all of the above. A mentor of ours says that healthy marriages can only be made between two healthy people. To be perfectly honest, looking back, we’ve never had a sustained difficult season between us when we were both at our best personally. Another way to say it: personal pain or brokenness or struggle leads to pain and brokenness and struggle in our marriage.

We’re learning that one of the best things we can do to build our marriage is to build our own healthy selves, whether that’s making rest and sleep a priority, or seeing a counselor or spiritual director or meeting with a mentor, or going for a run or saying no to something.

When Aaron and I can bring our best selves to our partnership, the partnership thrives. Of course, the opposite is true: when all I bring is fear and fragments and exhaustion and anxiety, there’s not a lot to build on. That’s why I’m committed to bringing my best self to our marriage.