Two Kinds Of Pain

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

—Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

There are two very different kinds of pain. There’s the anxiety and fear I felt when we couldn’t sell our house. And then there’s the sadness I felt when my grandma passed away. The first kind invites us to grow. The second kind invites us to mourn.

God’s not trying to teach me a lesson through my grandma’s death. When we lose someone we love, when a dear friend moves away, when illness invades, it’s right to feel deep, wrenching sadness.

But then there’s the other kind of pain. My friend Brian says that the heart of all human conflict is the phrase “I’m not getting what I want.” When you’re totally honest about the pain, what’s at the center?

It’s sloppy theology to think that all suffering is good for us, or that it’s a result of sin. All suffering can be used for good, over time, after mourning and healing, by God’s graciousness. But sometimes it’s just plain loss, not because you needed to grow or learn any kind of lesson. The trick is knowing the difference between the two.