A Taste Of Home

A Taste of Home

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

When I was newly married, I joined my husband’s Thanksgiving tradition of traveling to Iowa for an extended family gathering. Aunt Marigrace always hosted, and her home was filled with dozens of people and comfortable chaos. As we sat down to eat one year, I was pleasantly surprised to see that Aunt Marigrace had added my mom’s wild rice salad (a favorite of my childhood holidays) to the ample spread.

It wasn’t until years later, one fall Sunday as I was preparing the menu for a Friendsgiving we were hosting, that I finally, finally understood the depth of the intention behind that dish. Flipping through recipes, I suddenly realized that my mother-in-law, Connie, must have told Marigrace about my favorite holiday side. Marigrace had added it to the menu as an unspoken welcome to the new girl in the family, a taste of my childhood family grafted into my new family.

As my girlfriends become mothers-in-law, I’ve started pondering what it means to be the mother who welcomes newcomers into the family, who cedes her role as a central figure in her child’s life to their new spouse, and does it well. Hollywood tropes of terrible in-laws often suggest that we will fail in this important relationship, that it is not possible to be friends with your in-laws. And, in some cases, it is not. People can be so broken and hurt by past traumas that they simply cannot do this relationship in healthy ways. But that is not what God intended.

If you are a new mother-in-law, you have the advantage of wisdom gleaned over decades, an opportunity to welcome the insecure newcomer with mercy and tenderness, compassion and patience, loving the younger woman in ways she might not entirely understand until she is a mother herself, well into her parenthood journey. And if you are a new daughter, you can find ways to honor the role of your husband’s mother with love and humility, understanding there may be some grieving happening as her son shifts his loyalty and priority to your newly formed family.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Write a note of appreciation to a woman who has welcomed you as the newcomer, or write a note of welcome to a newcomer in your circles.