Choosing Love

Choosing Love

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.

I studied abroad during college in Oxford, England. I loved seeing the skyline’s spires, hearing the resonant ring of church bells every hour, exploring the hushed vastness of the Bodleian Library, and losing myself in the maze of cobblestone streets. My peek into British life and culture was simultaneously daunting and exhilarating, as there are more than thirty colleges that compose Oxford University. I loved being part of it all, if only temporarily.

I lived in a building that housed students from all over the United States, and though I became friends with many students in the program, my closest friend was a Californian girl. She was smart and funny and fun. I loved our philosophical debates, our midnight trips to get chips (fries) and cheese from the food trucks dotting the city, and the boisterous dinner and karaoke we enjoyed together during a trip to Italy. When we returned home from England, we stayed in touch. She had family who lived in my part of the country, and when she visited them, I drove there and stayed the weekend.

But I had a secret—I was dating a mutual friend and hadn’t told her. In fact, I didn’t tell her for months. By the time I did, damage had been done. Our halcyon memories together in Oxford were tainted by the recognition that I hadn’t been honest. Some secrets have the power to destroy, and my lie of omission had cut deep.

Thankfully, my friend chose love over unforgiveness. She didn’t turn away, try to shame me, or hold it over my head. Yet the situation was a sharp reminder that, in friendship as in life, there are consequences for our actions. Though my friend and I still exchange annual Christmas cards, our friendship lacks its former depth. Even though I apologized, it took time to regain my friend’s trust. Even now, I regret what happened, but I can appreciate the lesson it taught me. As friends, let us always choose the loving response—whether we are the one who needs to be honest or the one who needs to extend forgiveness.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

If a friendship has been damaged by dishonesty, choose love—by apologizing or by choosing to forgive, as appropriate.