I’m Not Your Friend—yet

I’m Not Your Friend—Yet

Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!

“Honey, I love the future, thirty-year-old version of you so much that I’m willing to let the current version of you be furious at me.”

My children have heard these words from me in the midst of battles over boundaries, homework, and other formational decisions. As their mother, I am not their friend—although I hope more than anything to someday be a best friend to each of them. I cheer for them, encourage them, and love them, but I’ve also been honest in telling them that I am tasked with setting boundaries, holding them accountable, and guiding them as they grow into the young man and woman God has called them to be.

It can be difficult not to blur the line between parenting and friendship. In fact, it’s tempting to bend the boundaries, revoke consequences, and ignore rules when everything is smooth sailing because I usually know when my refusal to let something slide is going to open the proverbial can of worms. I don’t like cans of worms. Honestly, I’d much prefer to pretend the can of worms is not there—skipping over it in blissful and willful ignorance, so that everything can remain calm on the surface.

My current role in my children’s life is not based on friendship, and I sometimes need to remind myself of that as much as I need to remind them—because my current role as mom is far more important at this stage in their life. My job is to open the cans of worms, confront hard things in healthy ways, and raise them to be young adults who love God and love others. I want them to be arrows in the quiver of God’s army—men and women who make a difference in the world and in the lives around them. They have many friends, but they have a limited number of mother figures—women who will go toe-to-toe with them over the hard things and stand firm.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Consider your role with young people in your life: Are you a mothering figure or a friend? Determine not to blur the line, and gently confront hard things when necessary.