Refusing To Take Sides

Refusing to Take Sides

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

“I’m right,” I insisted, anger edging my voice. Hands trembling, I twisted the damp Kleenex in my lap. I paused and looked up at the women in my Saturday morning Bible study, who lined the edges of the living room.

Soberly, momentarily silent, they met my gaze. As I looked around, I had the sudden ugly, panicked feeling that maybe I wasn’t right. And if that was true, then life as I knew it was about to change.

My husband and I had been talking about moving for months. At first, it was a passing thought, a wish and a prayer sent up on days when ice coated the highway or road construction added an hour or two to Tim’s commute. But after a few years of driving hundreds of miles each day, he was convinced we needed a change. Me, not so much. I was comfortable where we were.

But voicing my anger and fears to women I trusted, the same women I saw every Saturday morning—women who knew me well—didn’t give me the validation I had hoped for. Why was no one agreeing with me?

Finally, one friend handed me an extra tissue while another sweet friend spoke up: “I’m sorry, I know that’s a hard decision. We’ll be praying that God gives both of you the wisdom to know how to move forward.”

Bewildered, I went home. My friends were quick to listen, but they hadn’t taken up an offense on my behalf. Their own careful responses, in turn, gave me just the pause I needed to calm down and look at the situation from my husband’s perspective.

Years later, I’m glad we ended up moving. We have a cozy home, wonderful neighbors, a church we love, and lifelong friends. It’s humbling to me now, thinking of how in my righteous anger, I was so sure that moving was a mistake. I’m thankful that my wise friends didn’t jump to agree with me that snowy Saturday morning. Even as they acknowledged my pain and uncertainty, their love and prayers pushed me to find the right answer—the God-given answer.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Take the time to listen to a friend vent without quickly offering your opinion.