The Gift Of Remembrance

The Gift of Remembrance

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.

I’m officially older than my oldest sister. If that sounds odd to you, it feels strange to me, too. My sister Katrina died from breast cancer at the age of twenty-eight, and at thirty-five, I’m now several years older than she was when she died.

I often wonder how our relationship would have changed over the years. I’d like to think that our friendship would have grown stronger, as it has with my sister Kendra. I wonder what Katrina would think of my children, whom she never got to meet. I also wonder what she’d think of me. She wasn’t perfect, but she was just so likable. She was warm and funny and fun. So often, I feel myself trying to measure up to my memories of Katrina. Even though I know she wasn’t perfect, in my mind, she’s become that way: Saint Katrina, keeper of coffee and lost causes.

That’s not true, of course. I know that she was only human, but I loved her heart for others and the spiritual maturity she exemplified. Since she died, I have missed her wisdom. More than that, I simply miss the sound of her voice and her laughter.

I know that because of Katrina’s faith in Jesus, someday I will see her again. Until then, I’m comforted by the thought that she will live on in my memories. One of the sweetest things a friend of mine did was turn quietly to me one day and ask, “What would Katrina think of that?” My throat tightened with unshed tears, but in my heart I felt so grateful.

My friend’s invitation to speak openly about a sister I grieve felt like an unexpected gift. Too often, we shy away from approaching topics like death and grief because we’re unsure of what to say, or we worry about making someone uncomfortable. Yet the beauty of friendship is that we are called to not simply share in our friends’ joy but to enter their grief with them, coming alongside in all circumstances and seasons of life. My friend’s question wasn’t an imposition; it was a relief. I felt honored when she posed that question so casually, as if to say, “Of course what Katrina would think now still matters.” Because, in my heart, it does.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Ask a friend to recall memories of a loved one they are grieving.