The Gift Of Going First

Joy is found in giving the right answer. And how good is a word spoken at the right time!

“I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life, since my early twenties,” the woman next to me said, voice wavering a little. She wiped a stray tear from the corner of her eye. “But I realized that I can do things afraid, that Jesus is beside me at every moment.”

The women at the table nodded as my friend finished her story, murmuring quiet encouragement and offering sympathetic smiles. For a moment, the table was silent as we all reflected on what she’d said.

But before long, a second friend started to speak about her own recent experience—how she’d become discouraged at a dinner with high school friends.

“Everyone else seemed like they had something to brag about. But I don’t have a college degree, I’m not building a business. I have little kids at home; this is my life right now,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “But even talking about kids turns into a competition. It makes me think that I don’t want to hang out with them anymore.”

As we talked about my two friends’ experiences, I was glad that they had both felt like they could be vulnerable with the rest of us. But I was doubly grateful to the friend who had opened up first and created the space for our second friend to feel comfortable sharing her struggles. She’d given the other woman the gift of going first.

Both death and life can flow from the power of the tongue (see Proverbs 18:21), but equally important is knowing when to speak. An encouraging word can speak life into those around us, and a vulnerable one can help others to feel less alone. In both situations, our discernment about what our friends might need serves as the best litmus test for what we share.

Kristin

Today’s Act of Gratitude

The next time you’re in a group of close friends, open up and give them the gift of going first.