What Forgiveness Is

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

“Why can’t you just forgive?” The question came innocently enough from someone my husband and I were close to. As we talked later about the hard, yet necessary, conversation he’d had with the person, Kyle shrugged, expressing his misgivings about the situation and the lack of response he’d been hoping for.

Days later, he came to me. “I don’t know why this still bothers me. Why can’t I just forgive?”

I looked at him as I considered his question. “I think it bothers you not because you can’t forgive but because the person making this request wants you to simply forget and move on. They don’t really want to address their actions or any changes that might need to be made. They’re dismissing your feelings. This really isn’t about forgiveness.” He nodded in agreement.

As we prayed together for wisdom and for God to heal our hearts and our relationship, I squeezed his hand.

“We’ll get through this,” I said. We determined to continue loving the person while also addressing the unhealthiness there.

Relationships can sometimes be messy. None of us gets through life unscathed. And for that reason, we’re not wrong to set boundaries or lovingly address unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes people’s past hurts affect how they view and respond to current relationships, making it hard to move forward in healing, especially if there’s denial about what is happening.

The Bible is clear that we are to strive for peace with God and peace with others, but I’m grateful for the caveat of “as far as it depends on you”—meaning we don’t have control over other people’s actions or reactions. As much as we do have control in a situation, we are to live at peace. And although forgiveness is undoubtedly part of this, it does not mean that we must dismiss harmful actions or words. It’s okay to set boundaries when we need to. So forgive. Set boundaries. Live at peace. And leave everything that is beyond your control in God’s hands.

Kendra

Today’s Act of Gratitude

Consider whether there is someone you need to extend forgiveness to while also keeping healthy boundaries. Think of some ways you could begin seeking peace.