Out-repenting Your Wife

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

CRAIG AND HIS WIFE, MICHELLE, had been at an all-too-familiar impasse for the past three days after a heated verbal exchange erupted over their individual spending habits. While a part of Craig wanted Michelle to admit she was wrong and he was right, deep down he knew that at least part of what she had said about his spending was true. Craig finally decided he was willing to humble himself, go to Michelle, take responsibility for his irresponsible spending, and seek forgiveness for the harsh tone and defensive posture he had taken with her during their argument.

In marriage, it’s easy to try to minimize our own sin while we magnify our spouse’s shortcomings. This often creates a culture where every action and reaction is quietly scored and used to determine which spouse is “ahead” at any given moment. The cumulative effect of years of living in this culture is that we become more focused on getting ahead at any and all costs than on pursuing our wife’s heart. God’s desire is that we learn to out-repent her instead of trying to outperform her.

An amazing thing about marriage is that God can actually use our spouse’s sin to uncover ours. We don’t get a pass with a sinful response to our spouse’s shortcomings. A healthy marriage is one in which both spouses are free to own their brokenness, weaknesses, and desperate need for a Savior.

BOTTOM LINE

God changes us in community with other people, and there is no closer community than husband and wife.

Moment of Strength: John 15:12