Hidden Pain

Hidden Pain

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.

Romans 12:19

There are a thousand reasons why the peace we desire eludes us. I stumbled across one of them the other day when one of my daughter’s friends confided in me. A solid athlete, Kaitlin was shocked and disappointed when she didn’t make her high school track team. I had been praying for her to make the team because I thought her involvement in sports would be good for her. But I also knew that the competition would be fierce, especially for a girl who hadn’t been training recently.

The day after Kaitlin got the bad news, she told me that none of the girls from her former middle school had made the team. She wondered if the coach had been biased against them. Stung by his perceived rejection, Kaitlin said she hoped the team would lose every meet, because maybe then the coach would know he needed her.

It hasn’t worked out that way, and Kaitlin is still fuming. She can’t seem to take responsibility for her own lack of discipline. Nor can she take hope from the positive feedback the coach gave her after the tryouts and his encouragement to try again next year.

My young friend needs the grace to experience her disappointment and then let it go. Why is that so hard? Because, I am guessing, her sense of righteous indignation is a shield against her pain. But this kind of shield actually keeps the pain alive because pain is the only thing fueling her desire for revenge.

What hurt or disappointment are you holding on to? Is it fueling attitudes that are stealing your peace? Ask God to show you exactly what’s in your heart. And then ask him for the grace to let it go, replacing your hurt with his peace.

Show me, Lord, what is in my heart. Uncover the pain and the hurt. Let me look at it in the safety of your presence. And then give me the grace to let it go.