The Race To Be Slow?

The Race to Be Slow?

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Romans 12:10

Husband: “I didn’t know what you meant.”

Wife: “You didn’t ask me.”

Husband: “Why would I ask when it seemed so obvious?”

Wife: “Well, it wasn’t obvious to me.”

It could be about anything: picking up dry cleaning, scheduling a dinner, meeting at a designated place, whatever. The list is painfully endless. But the crux of the matter is clear: misunderstanding. One person sees a situation one way while the other sees it differently. Neither knows there is a difference until it’s too late. So the misunderstanding turns into friction, and the relationship is suddenly fraught with tension.

We heard about a strange bicycle race in India that underscores the point. The object of the race is to go the shortest distance possible within a specified time. At the start of the race, everyone cues up at the line, and when the gun sounds, all the bicycles, as best they can, stay put. Racers are disqualified if they tip over or if one of their feet touches the ground, so they inch forward just enough to keep the bike balanced. When the time is up and another gun sounds, the person who has gone the farthest is the loser and the person closest to the starting line is the winner!

Imagine coming upon the race just before it begins, assuming you know the drill based on American races, and managing to join the race. At the first gunshot, you pedal as hard and fast as you possibly can. You’re out of breath. You’re sweating. You glance back—and it looks like you’re going to break the record!

When you hear the second gunshot, you look to either side of you and realize you are unquestionably the winner—except that you are unquestionably the loser. Why? Because you misunderstood how the race is run. In that moment, you might feel cheated. “Why didn’t someone tell me?” But of course, you didn’t bother to ask.

That’s the exasperation of a misunderstanding. Both sides see it from their angle. But in most small misunderstandings, all it takes is one person putting his or her perspective on hold to resolve the misunderstanding and to ease the tension.

It only takes one person to turn around a misunderstanding by honoring the other perspective. Think about a recent misunderstanding or disagreement with your spouse and take the time to understand it from your spouse’s perspective. And next time you are about to reach a standstill—or an argument—picture yourself in that race in India. Ask whatever you need to ask in order to ensure you’re not pedaling like crazy toward the wrong goal.

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate.

—Albert Schweitzer