Best Interest In Mind

CORE PRACTICE #22: Be open to the possibility that the Lord is speaking to you through the input of your spouse.

Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail. —Proverbs 19:20-21

TONY

In some ways, baring my soul—or some of it, anyway—through writing books these last few years has been therapeutic. In addition to sharing some of my thoughts, I’ve discovered and admitted some of my shortcomings.

One confession I need to make is that I’m not sure I weighed Lauren’s advice heavily enough in the first years of our marriage. Don’t get me wrong—I always shared with Lauren what was going on, and I sought her input. I also talked with and asked for counsel from other friends.

All of which is okay, except that early on I didn’t fully appreciate that Lauren’s advice was usually the best, and most often the advice that would lead to the best result. I don’t think I realized that Lauren really knew me better than anyone and understood what would ultimately be the most beneficial for me—and for us. The other point I finally learned was that her wisdom was not only grounded in God’s Word, but that she always had my best interest at heart. No agendas other than those two—God’s Word and my best interest—controlled her advice for me. At the same time, she brought a different perspective and discernment than mine.

So when coaching opportunities were presented, that’s what she considered when thinking about and discussing the decision with me. In addition, Lauren always made clear that she would back me on any move that we could make work for us as a family.

After supporting me and my career for so long, Lauren began discussing one of her desires with me. Through the years Lauren and I had provided a foster home for a number of children. In 2000, those experiences and the adoption of a young boy by one of my assistant coaches—as a single parent—led Lauren to talking with me about adopting a child. I wasn’t as sure as Lauren about doing that. I wasn’t against adopting, but I needed some time to consider the possibility. At forty-five, I wondered if I was ready to bring another baby into our home. Not only that, but as a head coach, I had many responsibilities. We talked about it a good deal and prayed as we sought to clearly determine whether or not this was God’s will for us.

When I told Lauren I wasn’t sure it was the right time to adopt, she gently asked me, “Will there ever be a right time?” She pointed out that the need for adoptive parents was great, that we had the resources to commit to another child, and that we certainly had a loving home and family that could welcome a new member.

In the end, Lauren’s position prevailed. And she was right. Since then, we have adopted six children. Looking back, it was clear that the Lord spoke through Lauren, and I am glad that I was listening.

Adventure Application: How can you do a better job of tuning in to your spouse and really listening to what he or she has to say? Remember that God may be sharing something He wants you to hear through him or her.