My Creative Best

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

(Proverbs 14:30)

Empty women, oh, how we come unglued.

Especially when the empty rests in the part of our souls where unmet desires restlessly wait. In that dark corner, desperation churns for what could be but isn’t, and what we want but still don’t have.

What do we long for? A romantic, attentive mate. A true and trusted friend. A child. Then a child who makes me look good. An attentive parent. A certain talent. Opportunity, things, feelings, recognition, a certain body size, financial freedom, a beautiful house … the list lengthens.

We long for “it” and the deep satisfaction surely found in getting “it.” When others around us get “it,” we pretend we are happy for them. We make the good girl in us act happy. Maybe part of us is sincere. Maybe not. But in the quiet of a private moment, the gnawing becomes a splitting plow. Oh, how it digs and cuts and unearths the inside of me.

We get empty when we park our minds on comparison thoughts and wallow in them. Nothing good grows in this place; as James says, “Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:15). No jealous thought is ever life-giving. Wallowing in jealous thoughts actually leads to death. Death of contentment. Death of friendships. Death of peace. And certainly death of joy.

Jealousy and envy cut deeper and deeper until we bleed empty. We lose perspective on what we do have and soon focus only on what we don’t have. It’s at this point that we sit back and say, “Okay, I get all that. I know this is truth. I know jealousy isn’t good. It’s not like I enjoy it, ask for it to haunt me, or even want it in my life. But it’s there. So what’s a girl to do? Just having someone say don’t feel jealous doesn’t help me. Having someone point out a fault without offering a solution just makes me feel even more unglued.”

Amen to that. And the best solution I know—the only solution I know—is pure truth from God’s Word.

The Galatians verses about reaping what you sow are part of a larger passage that offers some revealing teaching. It tells us that when we’re struggling with jealousy, we need to carry our own load (Galatians 6:4 – 5).

What does that mean?

It means we need to focus on reasons to celebrate what we have already been given and what we are doing right.

In my book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, I shared a truth I challenge myself with when jealousy comes knocking: “I’m not equipped to handle what she has, both good and bad — and what she has is always a package deal of both.” In other words, I’ve been assigned a load I can handle. The good and bad in my load are what I should carry. I’m not designed or assigned to carry someone else’s load.

Consider the Galatians verses again from The Message:

I like the thought of “doing the creative best with [my] own life.” When I wish for someone else’s life, I waste the limited life energy I’ve got to face my own challenges and opportunities. God has a beautiful plan for me — a creative best I can accomplish with my life.

Isn’t it just like Satan to want to distract me from this? Satan is a liar who steals, kills, and destroys. He wants to steal my attention, kill my joy, and destroy my creative best by making me want what God has entrusted to someone else. In other words, it is a lie straight from Satan that I’d be happier and more content with someone else’s load. I wouldn’t. It may feel like I would, but feelings are tricky things.

I can look back on many areas of my life and thank God for His protection in this regard. The boys who never asked me out. The strong-willed tendency in my daughter that eventually turned into a passionate tenacity for missions. The opportunity I never got that keeps me humble. All the things I have and don’t have are what make up the unique load I’ve been assigned.

Ultimately, that’s why God tells us to concentrate on carrying our own load and avoid comparing and striving for someone else’s load — it’s for our protection. I see that now. It gives my brain a better place to go when those I-want-what-she-has thoughts start choking the joy from me. And instead of feeling empty, I feel a sense of possibility. I drop seeds of my own creative design and watch the long limbs of purpose start to form.