Learning To Support Our Friends

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

“Oh, Lord. I miss Katrina so much. And I know her sisters do too. Why did she have to die?” Julia paused for a long moment. “Jesus, please help me be a good friend to Katrina’s younger sisters. Amen.”

Julia and Katrina first met when they were in the same homeroom three years earlier. They became close friends, and these months since Katrina died had been really hard and confusing for Julia. Julia knew it was even worse for Krista and Kennedy, Katrina’s twin sisters one grade younger than her and Katrina.

Julia didn’t know how to be a good friend to Krista and Kennedy as they grieved, so she asked Ms. Johnson, the school counselor, for help. Ms. Johnson helped her realize that grief is like the ocean—sometimes the water is as still as glass, and in those times, Julia could laugh until her sides ached over funny memories. Other times, grief is like huge, crashing waves that knock you down and drag you out to sea, and in those times she might sob because she missed Katrina so much.

Did you know that God will use us to comfort our friends when they lose someone they love, even if we also are grieving? We can pray for them, listen to them talk without judgment, and give them space when they need it.

As we help our friends, it’s important to remember that everyone reacts differently in grief, and that’s okay. Julia, Krista, and Kennedy made a pact that when one of them wants to talk about Katrina, they will let her talk and not try to change the topic or avoid the conversation if someone starts crying. It’s healthy to talk about the people we miss, even if it’s hard.

Things to Think About

• Who are adults you love who you can turn to for advice when one of your friends loses a pet, a grandparent, a sibling, or a close friend?
• Ask an adult you love what kinds of words or thoughtful actions from friends helped them when they were grieving and what kinds of words or actions didn’t help, so you know things you can do and things you should avoid.

DAILY ACT OF FRIENDSHIP

When a friend is grieving, tell them you are willing to listen if they ever want to tell you about their loved one. If they don’t, that’s okay—don’t force them. But if they do, listen carefully and ask questions so they know you are interested and care.