What Choice Do We Have When It Comes To Happiness?

What choice do we have when it comes to happiness?

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28

Do not be deceived; happiness and enjoyment do not lie in wicked ways. ISAAC WATTS

OFTEN WE THWART BOTH our own holiness and happiness by going where we don’t need to go.

Do not enter the path of the wicked,

and do not walk in the way of the evil.

Avoid it; do not go on it;

turn away from it and pass on.

Proverbs 4:14-15

This passage has everything to do with happiness. After all, what does sin do? According to Proverbs 1:26-27, it brings calamity, terror, distress, and anguish—in a word, unhappiness. The fruit of sin is self-destruction and fatality (see Proverbs 1:31-33). It brings death and loss (see Proverbs 2:19, 22) as well as great disgrace (see Proverbs 3:35).

I’ve heard people say, “I don’t understand; I prayed for purity, but I fell back into watching Internet pornography. Why didn’t God answer my prayer?”

My response? Your choices pulled the rug out from under your prayers. Did you set up a program that restricts your access or informs your friend or pastor when you view pornography? Did you get rid of your computer or move your screen in full view of others? Did you do anything beyond saying a prayer to actually motivate you not to view pornography?

Did you expect God to do everything for you?

I vividly remember a particular counseling appointment as a young pastor, thirty years ago. Eric stormed into my office and flopped into a chair. “I’m really mad at God.”

I was startled because Eric was one of the happiest young men I knew. He grew up in a strong churchgoing family, married a sweet Christian woman, and seemed to have a sincere love for Christ.

I asked him why he was mad at God. He explained that for months he’d felt a strong attraction to a woman at his office. She felt the same. “I kept asking God to keep me from immorality, but he let me down.”

“Did you ask your wife to pray for you?” I questioned. “Did you stay away from the woman?”

“Well . . . no. We went out for lunch nearly every day.”

I looked at Eric and a thought came to me. I started slowly pushing a big book across my desk. As it inched closer to the edge, I prayed aloud, “Lord, please keep this book from falling!”

I kept pushing and praying, while Eric looked at me like I was crazy. Sure enough, as I kept pushing, God didn’t suspend the law of gravity, and the book fell to the floor.

“I’m mad at God,” I said to Eric. “I asked him to keep my book from falling . . . but he didn’t answer my prayer!”^a

I can still hear the sound of that book hitting the floor. It was a symbol of the trajectory of Eric’s life. Instead of calling on God to empower him as he took decisive steps to resist temptation, he kept making unwise choices while asking to be delivered from their natural consequences. Eric went from genuine happiness to misery in a period of just a few years, and eventually he went to jail for sexual crimes. His immorality and sexual abuse didn’t come out of the blue. They were the cumulative product of minuscule daily compromises and choices that sabotaged his righteousness and happiness.

Contrast Eric with his friend Rocky. Raised in an unbelieving home, Rocky had sex with a number of women and later came to faith in Christ. Rocky made new choices in keeping with his new nature: immersing himself in the daily meditation of God’s Word, joining Bible studies, learning to pray, sharing his faith, and reading great Christian books. He fled from sexual temptations that came his way and guarded his heart and mind. In the process of knowing Christ and following him, Rocky became one of the happiest and most Christ-honoring people I’ve ever known. To this day, his marriage, family, church involvement, and service to others display the fruit of his wise choices.

Notice how this argument in Proverbs against adultery is an appeal to self-interest:

Can a man carry fire next to his chest

and his clothes not be burned? . . .

So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;

none who touches her will go unpunished. . . .

He who commits adultery lacks sense;

he who does it destroys himself.

He will get wounds and dishonor,

and his disgrace will not be wiped away.

Proverbs 6:27, 29, 32-33

These verses could be summed up this way: making unwise, God-neglecting choices makes us extremely unhappy.

Both Eric and Rocky appeared to have a sincere love for Jesus. Both asked God to help them live righteously. But one failed to cultivate his self-control—he expected God to manage his life and miraculously keep him from the disastrous actions he kept setting himself up to take.

“Make every effort to supplement your . . . knowledge with self-control” (2 Peter 1:5-6). Eric expected God to deliver him from making wrong choices, while Rocky called on God for strength as he did all he could to make right choices.

Both men were defined by their daily choices, which cumulatively produced sin and misery for one and righteousness and happiness for the other.

Holy Spirit, please give us the wisdom to cry out to you when we’re tempted. Help us to flee evil and pursue righteousness. Remind us there will be consequences for our choices and that so much is at stake, including our present and future happiness and the welfare of those we love. Empower us to make wise decisions that honor you instead of expecting you to deliver us from the inevitable consequences of our own actions.