Cut Down

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

PHILIPPIANS 2:5–8

CHRIST’S HUMBLING CONDESCENSION TO LEAVE THE GLORY OF heaven; set aside his majestic, unveiled deity; and become a breathing, bleeding, “bodyfied” man—a process known to theologians as the kenosis—provides a model for our own call to practice humility. By God’s marvelous design, few life experiences humble us quite as effectively as parenting. As parents, we exchange our formerly spotless houses, ironed clothes, and ordered lives for the chaos of an incontinent, noisy, spit-producing being with a temper that needs to be tamed and with a piercing cry that rivals the sharpest fingernails ever scraped across a chalkboard.

This tiny tyrant is providentially placed into our house as part of a grand program: to mold his or her parents into the image of our Lord.

Writer Rachel Cusk recounts one of the most embarrassing moments of her life. She had met a friend for lunch at an outside table when the weather changed, and social disaster struck along with it:

It starts to rain, hard. I try to pack the baby back into her pouch, and I do it clumsily and unconfidently, and suddenly she starts to cry, to scream with an extraordinary, primitive anguish; and I am in disarray, knocking over coffee cups, fumbling with change, trying to speak, to pacify, to explain, holding the baby this way and that in the drenching rain and finally running through the park, the empty pouch flapping at my front, the roaring baby held out before me like something on fire, my friend trotting embarrassed behind, until we reach the road and madly, desperately, I flag down a taxi and somehow force the chaos of us into it. “I’ll call you soon,” says my friend strangely. I glimpse her through the window, slim and well dressed, compact, somehow extraordinarily demanding and utterly implacable, politely waving from the pavement.^a

The humbling part of parenting is that it puts us in positions where we will feel out of style, out of wits, and out of control—even though we may be well accomplished in other areas. George is a gym teacher who makes his living handling unruly kids. But even he confesses, “At work I got sixty strapping adolescents to jump when I blew a whistle. Then I came home and I couldn’t get a twelve-pound infant to stop crying.”^b A Navy SEAL from Bellingham, Washington, said that “being a SEAL, that’s easy. Try getting three young daughters to brush their teeth at the same time.” He might feel very confident facing three trained terrorists in the dark, but those little girls are more than he can handle!

While some married couples avoid having children for precisely this reason—fearing the chaos, the mess, and the lack of control inherent in raising a tiny being born with a free will—others see the humbling process of parenting as one of its most precious purposes. Since, as believers, we are called by God to become like Christ, we welcome any relationship that reinforces this process. Orthodox theologian Paul Evdokimov made this observation:

Motherhood is a special form of the feminine kenosis (emptying). The mother gives herself to the child, dies in part for it, follows the love of God that humbles itself, and in a certain sense repeats the utterance of John the Baptist, “He must grow greater, I must grow smaller.” The sacrifice of the mother includes the sword of which Simeon speaks. In this sacrifice, every mother bends over the crucified Christ.^c

What a line! In this sacrifice, every mother bends over the crucified Christ. This baby may redistribute your makeup, wreak havoc on your schedule, obliterate more than one mealtime, declare holy war on your wardrobe, end up canceling at least 50 percent of your social engagements, and grab a few fistfuls of hair while she’s at it—but she will also set you free from the smug and arrogant self-centeredness that so many young adults without kids are known for. She will bid you to bend over the crucified Christ.

From a spiritual perspective—in the eyes of those who truly desire to experience Christ and who even aspire to become more like him—parenting is a brilliant spiritual pathway to growth and maturity in the Lord.

Kids are a clever package to accomplish such an aim, for we adults usually feel much too proud to choose a specific act we know will humble us. But the beauty of a baby, the emotional bond we build with them, and the miracle of cocreating a human life is intriguing enough that most of us are willing to give it a go, even knowing (in theory) that such a step will open the door to many humbling events.

Yes, you’ve felt embarrassed. Your “look” isn’t what it used to be. You’re no longer so confident when you go out in public.

Thank God. He is doing a marvelous work in your soul. While we might feel momentarily cut down as we sacrifice for our children, internally and eternally we are being strengthened, built up, and matured in all the right ways.

Heavenly Father, give us the spirit of your humble Son, who so willingly condescended on our behalf. Let us embrace the embarrassing moments of being a parent, knowing that the difficult process is being used by you to refine our souls. Amen.