Gratitude

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

—Jeremiah 29:11

One of my most cracked-up, errant beliefs is that skinny people are always happy. I think I would be happy all day long if I were skinny. If something upset me, I would just look down at my long, skinny legs—happiness! I know this is crazy talk.

But I found myself believing the same thing about being pregnant—that all my left-out, broken-down, fragile, ugly feelings would vanish the second I saw the all-important line on the pregnancy test. I know it’s not true, but I felt it.

It’s not wrong to want another baby, but there’s a fine line in there, and I’ve crossed it a few times, and moved over into that territory where you can’t be happy unless you have just that thing you want, no matter what else you have. That’s not how I want to live.

I want to cultivate a deep sense of gratitude, of groundedness, of enough, even while I’m longing for something more. I’m practicing believing that God knows more than I know, that he sees what I can’t, that he’s weaving a future I can’t even imagine from where I sit this morning.