When There’s A Hole In Your Soul - Good Deeds Turned Sour

When There’s a Hole in Your Soul - Good Deeds Turned Sour

OUR UNREALISTIC EXPECTATION of others can inhibit us from living life with joy and contentment. This is a hard one for me. I have only recently learned that I cannot hold others to the Ellen Standard. It is unfair to them and often results in my disappointment.

Did you ever do a favor for someone only to discover that, when you needed a favor in return, she was nowhere to be found? You too? It’s hurtful, isn’t it? But our thinking is twisted. Why in the world would we ever do a favor for someone and then expect something in return? That wasn’t an act of kindness—that was a loan with interest! The change in my expectation (considering my favor a loan) turned my good deed sour.

Perhaps you subscribe to the “Pay It Forward” concept—that if you perform a random act of kindness for someone, someone else will do something nice for you. I think this really does happen, but this idea also will lead you to expect something from someone else as a result of your kindness. When you don’t see the payback in a relatively short period of time, well, you begin to wonder why you’re the only one making the sacrifice. Hmm . . . that kind of thinking turns the good deed sour.

Or maybe you don’t expect anything other than a polite acknowledgment for your selfless act. This is the mind-set I’m most often guilty of, but it too robs me of living fully. I don’t expect anything in return from the person I served or from anyone else; I’d just like a little gratitude every now and then! This is my bad. Many times those who most need our kindness are incapable—due to worry, fear, grief, confusion, exhaustion, or embarrassment—to respond at all. I finally figured out that it’s not an issue regarding their poor manners. It’s more an issue regarding the condition of my heart. Expecting gratitude turned my good deeds sour.

Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. (Luke 6:35-36)

We set ourselves up for a life of disappointment when we create rules and expectations for others to live by. We must be willing to give unconditionally with no expectation for our return on investment. I love the philosophy of John Bunyan, author of The Pilgrim’s Progress: “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who cannot pay you back.”