Circles Of Friendship

Circles of Friendship

Trouble and evil are on the tips of their tongues.

As I was glancing through my daughter’s text conversations (as we agreed I’d do from time to time), I noticed a text string with Madison. Madison had spent months being particularly unkind to my daughter, and while the text string was a harmless conversation, I saw that my daughter had initiated the contact.

Gently probing into why she had reached out via text to Madison, I asked Lizzie whether she thought Madison was a safe person. As Lizzie equivocated, I pressed for a firm yes or no, forcing her to stop and think through her response before answering honestly. I explained to Lizzie that by initiating that text conversation, she gave someone who has been intentionally cruel unlimited access to her in places and spaces Madison previously could not reach.

This is not just a lesson for my daughter. I can think of several occasions on which I allowed someone unlimited access to the vulnerable parts of my life, despite knowing she did not have my best interests at heart. Those decisions resulted in unhealthy relationships and situations, causing me deep hurt.

I have learned to hold my friendships in concentric circles—with the tightest circle closest to me reserved for women whom I trust implicitly. These are the people who get to see the vulnerable parts of me, the rawest version of myself, because—even when they hurt my feelings—I know they want the very best for me.

The women I have deemed unsafe can still be in relationship with me because I believe, always, in the redemptive power of God, but their access to my most vulnerable side is limited until I see a sustained change in how they approach relationships.

We are to be discerning in whom we allow unlimited access to our lives. Listening carefully to how someone talks to and about others is one of the best ways to determine how much access they should have. The words we speak often reveal our heart’s condition.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Evaluate your relationships, determining if there are women who might need to have limited access to the most vulnerable parts of your life.