Frenemies

Frenemies

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

My daughter’s recounting of her day included a story about a conflict between two classmates. After she labeled one of the girls a “frenemy” (slang for an enemy who sometimes acts like a friend), I gently interrupted her story, asking her what she thought the word “friend” meant, and whether a real friend would act as an enemy.

The question I asked my daughter lingered in my mind long after our conversation. Is it possible to be in genuine friendship with someone who, on occasion, intentionally acts in ways meant to cause mischief and hurt?

As I’ve invited others to walk alongside me, as I’ve opened my home and my life, as I’ve been hospitable to a wide range of people, I’ve also learned to be wise about who I invite into my most trusted, inner circle. Jesus has called us, as Christ followers, to be kind and generous. In fact, when we are told to love our neighbors as ourselves, no one is excluded—not one person. However, I am careful in choosing the women who will have full access to my heart, my thoughts, the hard things I carry. If I deem a woman unsafe, she is always welcome to be in peripheral relationship with me, but she will not be my friend.

What is unsafe? To determine this, I listen to how a woman speaks of others, and I pay attention to her reaction to conflict. Does she speak life over women who are not present, or hurt others with her tongue, as discussed in James 3? Does she dramatize conflict and drag unnecessary bystanders into it? If these traits are present during our first couple of interactions, I tread with caution about moving forward into a friendship with her.

Scripture is clear: while we are to love everyone, our friendship circles are to be carefully curated. Our friends shape us with their advice, and they have the power to push us either toward or away from God.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Consider whether you have frenemies in your inner circle that need to be moved into a less intimate relationship category than friend. If you’ve acted as a frenemy, pray about changes you need to make.