The Grumpy Email

The Grumpy Email

Whatever is in your heart determines what you say.

When I got the email, my heart sank. What I had thought was a fun gift idea for a friend—ice cream from an online delivery service—had arrived on their doorstep a melted, sticky mess. In an email to the company, my friend detailed what had happened and ended by saying she didn’t want a replacement and wouldn’t recommend the company or their products.

I felt terrible about what had happened and immediately texted my friend to apologize. But inside, my feelings felt a little bruised. I wondered why she hadn’t contacted me first, rather than simply copying me on her email. I felt hurt over what felt like a brusque tone of voice.

I’ve heard it said that hurting people hurt other people. It’s true that I’m much more likely to lash out at others when I feel hurt. That’s how I found myself turning snarky later that same week, when the company asked via email if I’d like a replacement. Rather than simply reiterate that my friend didn’t want the item, I gave the shorthand version by saying the person was “grumpy” and asked them to ship the item to me instead. What I didn’t realize was that my friend was copied on the email and saw my characterization of her response.

My heart sank—for the second time—when I got a text a couple of hours later. My friend apologized for being grumpy and explained how busy life had been lately.

Face flaming with shame and embarrassment, I apologized—again—for what had happened. I had no one else to blame for my thoughtlessness. Matthew warns that whatever comes out of your mouth is a direct reflection of what is in your heart. In this case, I’d let my hurt compound into resentment, which spilled over in an ugly way.

Relationships are hard. We can say things we don’t mean, feel hurt by actions that weren’t meant to be hurtful, or wrongly judge someone else’s tone or intent. A gentle conversation would have gone a long way toward overcoming the hurt I felt and restoring a right relationship with my friend.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Think of a time when you’ve responded with grumpiness rather than grace, then take one action toward restoring that relationship.