The Encourager

The Encourager

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? In it, he lists five ways people give and receive love: quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. My husband and I read it early on in our marriage, and it was enormously helpful for me to realize why my husband loves to spend all day watching movies together (his primary love language is quality time) and for him to understand why I was so upset when he did all of his Christmas shopping on December 24 (mine is receiving gifts).

Recognizing a person’s primary love language can be helpful not just in romantic relationships but in other areas of life as well. Despite the fact that I spend my days as a writer, the love language I struggle with the most is words of affirmation. Using affirming words with my children comes naturally, but I often find myself tongue-tied with others.

Thankfully, I have a friend who has mastered the art of encouraging others through words. Carisa uses words of affirmation to foster connections. She starts by introducing people not by what they do but by the qualities she admires most about them. She then follows up by intentionally introducing women to one another—whenever she sees commonalities between two friends or acquaintances, she makes an effort to connect them. Every once in a while, a group chat that she’s created will pop up, including me, her, and one other person. They typically read something like this:

Do you know each other? If you don’t, you should. You are both amazing women who do everything for Jesus. Anyway, you two would really hit it off. You both have such HUGE hearts and are both so talented. I hope you meet up for coffee someday and love on each other.

The fact that Carisa is others-focused is the very reason she draws people in. Her consistent verbal encouragement makes others want to be around her. And because she’s intentional in speaking words of kindness and love, as her friend, I want to do the same in return. As friends, let’s choose to encourage others with our words, cultivating an atmosphere of love and mutual respect—even if affirmation is not our primary love language.

— Kristin

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Encourage someone by speaking words of affirmation about a quality or characteristic you admire.