The Comparison Trap

The Comparison Trap

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Scanning the audience that bright wintry morning, I took in a sight that never fails to make my knees knock: tables filled with women dressed “jeans cute,” with outfits perfectly on trend and expertly applied makeup. All I could think was, How do these ladies have multiple toddlers and babies and still manage to look polished and beautiful? Memories of my days with two kids under three sucker punched me, and I suddenly doubted my own mothering—because a decent percentage of the time during those toddler years, I didn’t look polished and put together.

Lest you think that I am intimidated only around beautifully dressed women, I also found myself growing uncomfortable and insecure recently during a conversation about female leaders in my community—feelings that were completely unintended by my conversation partner.

My secret is out: I’m easily intimidated by other women, even when they don’t intend to intimidate. The thing is, I probably unintentionally intimidate others on the days when I look polished and professional. My insecurities stem from taking the very best attributes of another woman and comparing her best public qualities to my worst secret qualities. It’s a ridiculous comparison, one so stacked against me that I’ll never win—a comparison Jesus never asked me to make in the first place!

Jesus has called me to serve in places specific to where I am in my own faith journey; he has something different for the woman next to me, and there is no need for me to be glancing around with envy or intimidation in my heart. In fact, when I start focusing on what Jesus has called the women around me to do instead of what he has for me, I stumble in what I’m supposed to be doing. Paul’s words in Galatians remind us that we need to focus on our task, finding satisfaction in a job well done rather than being distracted and sidelined because we’re focusing on what God has asked of the women around us.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Think of a way you secretly compare your worst to someone else’s public best, then bring those comparisons to God and leave them there.