No Time For Sex? Really?

No Time for Sex? Really?

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

Proverbs 5:18-19

Our friends David and Claudia Arp once wrote a book for married couples called No Time for Sex. “It’s a complaint we are hearing from more and more couples,” Claudia told us. “They are so busy running the rat race that when they fall into bed, that’s about all they can do.”

And she’s right. We hear the same complaint at our marriage seminars around the country. Strange, isn’t it? After all, making love is something that most couples rank very high on their list of favorite activities. According to one survey reported in USA Today, the top of women’s favorite home activities is “spending time with family,” chosen by 65 percent of respondents. Next was listening to music (47 percent) but next in line was making love (46 percent). It may not surprise you to know that men, on the other hand, ranked “making love” as their very first favorite home pursuit (64 percent). Spending time with family was second (56 percent).^a

So why aren’t couples finding the time for one of the activities they enjoy the most? Perhaps German philosopher Søren Kierkegaard hinted at the answer when he said, “Most [people] pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.” Could it be? In our fast pace, could we be failing to savor the scintillating pleasure of making love as husband and wife? Could we be cutting the corners on this delectable delight?

The answer is yes. At the end of a long day, most couples are too worn out for sex. Working fewer hours is one way to free up energy and time for sex, which is why couples make love more on vacation. But fatigue and time pressure are not the only reasons for having a sex-starved marriage. According to Carl Honoré, author of In Praise of Slowness, “Our hurry-up culture teaches that reaching the destination is more important than the journey itself—and sex is affected by the same finishing line mentality.”^b

We can hear some of you saying that speed has its place between the sheets. Long live “the quickie.” Sure. But making love slowly can be a profound experience. Some soft music, a few candles, and plenty of time for gentle caresses are sure to join your spirits and slow down your souls. Not to mention that it will extend your pleasure.

So if you’ve been rushing through the bliss of married sex, slow down. There’s no need to hurry. Taking your time to make love to each other is some of the most important time that a husband and wife ever spend. Make it last.

When you’re deeply absorbed in what you’re doing, time gives itself to you like a warm and willing lover.

—Brendan Francis

^a 15

^b 16