A Fresh Perspective

CORE PRACTICE #34: Expect that you will see things differently at times.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. But we must hold on to the progress we have already made. —Philippians 3:13-16

TONY

If I ever took a Rorschach inkblot test, I probably wouldn’t want the results published. I’m not even sure I would want Lauren or any of my children to know the results.

As I understand it, the Rorschach—named for its creator, Hermann Rorschach—is a psychological test consisting of ten inkblots printed on cards. Five of the cards are printed in black and white; the other five are printed in color. The test’s supposed purpose is to help psychologists examine a person’s personality characteristics and level of emotional functioning. It may even be used to determine if the patient has thought disorders. No matter what, I’m absolutely positive that I wouldn’t want to know any of that information, let alone have it shared with others.

I don’t even think I need to take tests like that; after all, I’ve discovered a lot about myself simply because I’m married. For instance, Lauren and I have learned that I’m the practical one. I tend to point out why it might be prudent to wait or collect more information before making a decision. Lauren, on the other hand, is generally ready to move ahead on a decision if we have prayed about it and it could benefit our family. She points out that we can never know everything beforehand or know what will happen in the future.

A number of years ago, she suggested we buy an RV. She reminded me how much we love the outdoors and camping, and with all our kids—well, an RV seemed like a good way to travel. We had rented RVs several times and always had a lot of fun, but I pointed out the downsides of owning such a large vehicle. For about six years, my practical arguments worked—we simply didn’t have a place to store anything that size. Then, a dealer out in Oregon told us if we bought one from him, we could park it on his lot. My saving grace was gone, and we’re now the proud owners of an RV. The kids have loved it and, to my surprise, I have too.

Because of this experience and others like it, I know Lauren and I see things in the same general way, but we nearly always see things just a bit differently. We have distinct abilities and personalities that have been developed and refined through our life experiences. That means that, even though our values and priorities align, we often approach issues and decisions in slightly different ways.

Our contrasting viewpoints, we’ve learned, are not a bad thing. In fact, they can actually help us develop an even stronger bond if we recognize that each of us, with our differences and individual viewpoints, is a gift from God to the other.

Adventure Application: This week, be particularly sensitive to the times you and your spouse see things or react to things differently. Jot them down. In a quiet moment later, pray over this list and give thanks to God for those differences.