Don’t Sit On The Sidelines

CORE PRACTICE #35: Engage in activities you both enjoy together, but allow each other to maintain separate interests as well.

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. —Romans 12:10

Lauren

I have recently gotten into triathlons. Seriously into them. I love the different workouts and the way my body feels after training, whether I’m riding my bike, swimming laps, or running. I also like the training days when we transition between riding bikes and running.

Tony, however, does not like running. At all. He does love riding bikes, and we’ve been riding together for years. When I’m going to train on the bike, he’s happy to tag along, but he doesn’t enjoy swimming as much, and of course, running with me would definitely be demonstrating sacrificial love. I’m like that, too, in other ways. I enjoy participating in sports but not watching them. Therefore, going with Tony to watch a game is not my first choice of things to do.

However, we’ve learned to do things together that we don’t share a common interest in, and to let the other enjoy the things he or she really loves. Tony recently ran a 5K race with me after training for a while. And, of course, I’ve watched plenty of football games with him. Triathlons? He’ll probably sit those out, as I will his all-day fishing trips.

I’ve noticed, however, that some couples believe that if their interests aren’t mutually compatible, then their marriage can’t be successful. The reality is that God made each of us unique, with certain abilities and disabilities—as well as interests. Some of those passions turn out to be like those of our spouse, and we should certainly look to cultivate those.

But sometimes—in fact, often—they are different.

Neither our differences nor our similarities mean we are incompatible. No matter how different two people may be, compatibility depends in large measure on our desire to want the best for each other—especially within a marriage covenant.

Tony supports my triathlon training by watching the kids when I work out and by bringing the whole family to my races. It’s always good to have his encouragement! And I don’t resent his desire to watch sports—that’s how he’s wired. I read fiction, and lots of it. Tony thinks it’s a waste of time and would rather read about history. He’s fine with me going out to my book club, and I’m more than happy to let him read his nonfiction.

In the meantime, most every Tuesday during the school year we read to elementary school kids together through our Dungy Family Foundation. Children’s books—a genre we can agree upon!

Though we look to share in activities we both enjoy whenever possible, rather than trying to force our interests on each other all the time, we recognize that compatibility is enhanced through our respect and support of each other’s differences. I’ll try things that are important to Tony, and he’ll try things that are important to me. But if one of us doesn’t really connect with the other’s interest, we’ll look for something else to do together . . . like read picture books to third graders!

Adventure Application: What is something that you and your spouse can do together? Does one of you have an interest that has fallen by the wayside because the other isn’t interested? How could you better support each other?